


No Regrets

by The_Cat_Curiosity_Killed



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 01:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1839106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Cat_Curiosity_Killed/pseuds/The_Cat_Curiosity_Killed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pain of losing someone you love can be fatal. Levi knows this. That is why he keeps his distance, for the safety of humanity, and that of his own heart. But he can not control what will happen in a world where lives are won and lost at the toss of a coin. And, when loss does come, can Levi retain his distance? Or was he never as far away from love as he believed? No matter what happens, Levi will have to live with the choices he makes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Regrets: Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the middle of the night and to be honest I'm not 100% satisfied but I'll post it anyway because too many hours of sleep sacrificed their lives so that this Levihan fic could go on. There's a bit of angst and I'll be posting it in two parts. Enjoy :p 
> 
> (Disclaimer: Levi Ackerman, Hanji Zoe and other characters of snk universe are all property of Hajime Isayama) I do not own any of them *sigh*

No Regrets: Part 1  
.  
...  
.....  
...  
.

Levi didn’t know when it began. These nightly visits when they became more than comrades. When they escaped into each other for a few moments. Levi only knew that it had become a regular ritual of theirs for a while now.

His breath was quick and heavy as he moved above her, her own breathless gasps warm in his ear. Levi's lips trailed kisses down her neck, nipping the smooth curve of her shoulder.  
She tasted like sweat and sugar, salty and sweet. Levi revelled in it as their movements became more erratic, Hanji’s hands twisted into his hair, pulling him closer. “Levi” her voice whispered hot against his cheek.  
Each one of her mewls sent him further over the edge, his pulse beat in his ears, every inch of him tingling with electricity. 

“Oh fuck... Levi” He could feel her short nails digging into his back as she arched into him.  
God he was close.  
Hanji beat him to it though, Levi exhaled sharply when he felt her warmth clench tightly around him, her voice was hoarse as she called out his name.  
Levi moaned loudly when he reached his peak, not even caring how ridiculous it sounded before collapsing on top of her. 

Their breathing was still heavy as they lay in silence, relishing in the last of the euphoria before it passed. Levi was about to roll off of her when he heard her speak.  
It was so quiet, so soft and still breathless from the physical exertion that he nearly missed it. 

But he had heard it.  
The three words he’d never thought he’d hear.  
Words he hadn’t ever wanted to hear.

“I love you.”

For a moment he lay there frozen, his breath stilled in his chest, not entirely sure how to react.  
Maybe he’d heard her wrong. He felt her hands untangle themselves from his hair and fall to her sides, the action was almost timid and Levi knew he hadn’t imagined it.  
So he did the next best thing and pretended not to have heard it at all.  
She couldn’t have meant it after all, it was just the post-sex glow talking. 

He slid his legs off of the bed and began to put his pants back on. Hanji stayed silent as he got dressed and Levi inclined not look at her. At last he re-tied his cravat and shrugged into his uniform jacket. He reached the door when she finally spoke. 

“I’m not taking it back you know” he couldn’t sense any anger in her voice, nor any sadness for which he was grateful.  
But she sounded tired, like she’d given up on something.  
That made him feel less glad.  
Hanji continued, but he refrained from looking at her, unable to meet her eyes. He felt ashamed, he’d probably done something unforgivable by ignoring her confession.  
But he just couldn’t listen to it, not now, not ever. 

“I said it, I know you heard me and it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to acknowledge it. Just know that I meant it.” She said, before going quiet once more. 

When she remained silent, Levi chanced a look at her over his shoulder. She lie motionless on her bed and he realised she’d fallen asleep. He left her there and went to work, pushing the entire morning from his mind. 

… … …

That had been a week ago, he hadn’t talked to her since, other than the curt single syllable in the hall or at Erwin’s briefings.  
Thankfully, he’d had plenty of other things to focus on due to the upcoming expedition outside the walls. The expedition would be a survey mission, to gather information on the new pod of titans that had appeared recently. Many were suspected to be abnormals and it was likely to be very dangerous. Well, more dangerous than usual anyway, which was saying something. Erwin had been reluctant to initiate the mission in the first place. But even he couldn’t ignore the importance of identifying new titan groups, and so the formation was organised and the date was set.  
Two days from now they’d be beyond the walls again, risking their lives for humanity. Levi just hoped they didn’t suffer too many pointless deaths.  
With all of this going on at work, Levi had found it remarkably simple to keep himself distracted. 

But at night, when he was alone. It was more difficult to keep his mind from wandering to the woman who usually shared his bed.  
It wasn’t as if he didn’t care for her, he did immensely.  
But that was precisely the problem. 

Levi supposed he’d brought this on himself. He’d tried to have the pleasure of being close to someone while retaining the distance it took to survive. Levi had assumed that Hanji wanted the same. She never seemed like the type to indulge in the more romantic emotions. Her first priority always seemed to be her work.  
And, to be honest, Levi would never in a million years consider himself the type of man a woman would easily fall for.  
He was stiff, rude, distant and unsociable. Not exactly an ideal lover. 

But as always, Hanji had surprised him yet again, he should’ve known it would turn out like this. But he’d liked indulging in her company too much to recognise the consequences. Now he had no choice. 

He couldn’t love her, he knew that. It was dangerous to even consider it.  
The Scouting Legion was advised against relationships, whether they be with civilians or with other soldiers. But with the life expectancy of soldiers being so low, it was rare that relationships even had the time to culminate at all.  
Levi understood why it was so. As members of the Scouting Legion their lives were pledged firstly to humanity and the war. To hold one life in higher importance than that goal would be to endanger their comrades. And, as they never knew if they were going to return home, relationships seemed to lose their appeal over time.  
Levi knew all this, but even so, if he was honest with himself he also knew that these reasons weren't why he denied himself to return Hanji’s feelings. 

Levi had loved before, he’d loved his comrades, Farlan and Isabel. He still saw their faces in his dreams, Isabel’s vibrant green eyes smiling up at him, calling him “big bro.” Farlan's careful voice reminding him to keep his head. Levi would wake with the sheets tangled around his legs and his eyes moist with unshed tears.  
He’d cared for comrades lost in battle, their names now just numbers on deceased records in his office. 

To love was to lose, and Levi had lost enough. 

Erwin had made Levi’s squad the front of the formation, flanking his squad on the right. The second and third squads continuing to form the circle. The fourth squad, Hanji’s squad, would be towards the left rear.  
He’d seen her while they were getting ready to depart, she’d strolled over to wish his squad god-luck.  
She had jokingly reminded Oluo not to talk while riding lest he bite his tongue. Levi noticed Petra blush when Hanji told her to keep an eye on ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ for her.  
Just before she returned to her squad, her hand came to rest lightly on his shoulder and her clear brown eyes had met his.  
“Let’s end this for now Levi, life’s too short to ignore each other forever.” He’d nodded in agreement, she was right. It was one thing to carry on this way inside the walls, but outside they were soldiers, their minds needed to be in the right place. 

… … …

The formation had held together until the last stretch before they reached the rendezvous point.  
Levi saw the read flare from the corner of his eye. It was shot from somewhere in the left flank and several more immediately answered it. Erwin shot his green and Levi motioned for his squad to follow with theirs. They changed course and Levi assumed that the titan had been successfully avoided with when he saw the pillar of black smoke snake into sky. Followed by another, and another, and then two more.  
Five, five deviant types.  
“Don’t break formation!” He ordered over his shoulder. The outer section should be able to hold the majority of them off, but not indefinitely and not without considerable loss. 

“Levi-Heichō!” Erd shouted suddenly, but Levi had already seen it. The 12m class deviant breaking its way through the brigade. He reacted quickly, launching off of his horse and landing the hooks of his gear in the shoulder-blade of the titan. He leapt out of the way as its giant meaty hand flew up to crush him. This one was smart. Levi hated the smart ones. 

“Shitty bastard” he growled under his breath before swinging around to launch one of his hooks into the nape of the titan. There was a little slack when his blades sliced through, thanks to the awkward angle he’d had to make in order to avert the giant’s grubby hands. The 12m class fell to the ground and began to steam, Levi called his horse and quickly re-joined the formation. There was a burst of green smoke, the rest of the deviants had apparently been dealt with.  
The formation had carried on uninterrupted. 

… … … 

It was sundown when they finally reached the ruins. Levi led his horse to the water-trophs to drink and rest.  
When he felt ready, he went to join his squad and whoever else was left in the courtyard. 

“It’s alright Nifa, it wasn’t your fault.” Petra’s kind voice reached his ears as he stepped into the courtyard. Her strawberry blonde hair was cast down as she comforted her distraught comrade.  
“But it is! I should have done something, then squad leader wouldn’t have...” her words railed off into unintelligible sobs. 

It only took Levi seconds to understand the situation and a quick head count to realise why.  
The forth squad was all here, injured and badly shaken, but safe. Except of course, their squad leader was nowhere in sight.  
Levi felt his heart quicken as he walked over. “What happened?” He asked Nifa, but Moblit answered for her, he seemed to have better control of his emotions.  
But in his eyes, Levi could see the toll that control was taking. 

“On the last stretch we encountered two deviant type titans.” Moblit began, his voice hoarse “the first was a 7m class and we were able to deal with it rather swiftly, but the second came out of nowhere. It was a 15m class and managed to separate us from the formation. Squad Leader…”  
Levi wanted to grab the boy and shake him, “Where is Hanji Zoë?” he asked, his voice rigid.  
Moblit’s face darkened “she managed to lure the titan away from the formation, we continued to pursue as were her orders, but…”  
Moblit connected his gaze with Levi’s, tears were welling in the corner of his light brown eyes.  
“Unfortunately, fourth squad leader Hanji Zoë did not return.” 

Levi didn’t speak right away. What he feared had been confirmed, Hanji was dead. He felt numb, he had heard the words from Moblit’s mouth, but his mind refused to acknowledge them. The entire conversation seemed surreal, Levi attempted to gather his wits.  
At last he realised that the small group of soldiers were waiting for him to say something. His usually quick tongue felt like lead in his mouth.  
“I see.” Was all Levi managed before he briskly dismissed himself and walked away, his footfalls landing in rhythm with the word repeating itself in his head. 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! 

Levi found himself in a dark area of the ruin, the moon was hidden behind the fallen rubble and debris.  
It was here he stopped walking, here he felt the rough ground crunch beneath his knees as they collapsed.  
Dark was good, he thought. The dark was where he belonged right now. 

There was a heaviness in his chest, a lump in his throat, his pulse hammered in his ears and his fists clenched at his sides. 

She was gone. Hanji was gone. 

Levi clutched his head in his hands, how had she died? Down the throat of a titan, squished beneath its feet, torn apart by its filthy hands? He would never know.  
He did know one thing though, she'd died alone. Without a soul to hear her scream.  
Levi couldn’t think straight. He'd known this day would come, he'd known it was only a matter of time before her reckless behaviour ended badly.  
He wanted to hit himself, to punish himself for being so pathetic, for grovelling on the ground like a stray dog. Hanji Zoë wasn’t the first comrade he’d lost and she wouldn’t be the last. 

But most of all he just wanted to feel something, anything.  
As he was now, it seemed as though he would never feel again. 

It hit him eventually though, the inevitable pain he’d been evading.  
And he knew why it was like this, knew why his chest ached with every breath he took.  
Knew why he saw Hanji's face when he closed his eyes. Saw her smile, her excitement, her anger, her dopey grin first thing in the morning when she woke in his arms.  
Levi laughed, a desperate, strangled sound as he stared at the ground in front of him without really seeing it.  
It was like this because he loved her. 

He loved her. He’d always loved her, he’d been fooling himself the whole time. His mind rushed back to that morning, when she’d been so warm and alive beneath him, when she’d whispered those words in his ear.  
“I love you”  
They’d made him so happy. Secretly, in a place he’d kept locked within himself they had warmed him.  
Him, the criminal.  
Him, the kid from the slums.  
Him, the man who fought with the strength of a monster and the subtlety of a demon.  
She'd loved him, despite his quirks and his faults, despite his size and his attitude, she had chosen him. 

Why hadn’t he said it back? Had he honestly believed he could stop himself from loving her by simply not saying it out loud?  
He was a shitty fool. To think he could be that close to a woman like Hanji Zoë and not fall in love with her.  
A woman who looked on him without fear or admiration but understanding. A woman who trusted him and fought with him and laughed at his shitty jokes.  
“Fuck!” Levi cursed.  
He’d never even stood a chance. 

So why? Why didn’t he just admit it back then? Why didn’t he tell her?  
Now, he would never get the chance to… But worse than that he realised. She had died without ever hearing it. 

He saw their faces again. Their eyes staring back at him, various shades of blue, green, grey and brown. Levi cursed aloud, adding Hanji’s face to the long list of people he’d let down.

He’d done it again. He’d made the wrong choice.  
… … … 

Levi stood. There was dirt on his uniform and his cravat was twisted but he made no motion to fix either.  
He walked out into the moonlight. It was full tonight, he could make out the shapes around him without the aid of a torch.  
He hadn’t grovelled long. He’d never been the type to.  
He hadn’t cried either, somehow he was beyond crying. 

He felt the familiar darkness welling inside him though. He ignored the places it urged to take him. Lonely places, absent of light and self-control.  
Succumbing to it wouldn’t bring her back. He at least had enough sense left to realise that. 

Levi finally pulled himself together.  
He straightened his uniform and dusted himself off best he could. He couldn’t let his subordinates see him like this.  
When he was convinced he’d regained his composure, Levi made his way back to the rest of the troops.  
Erwin was waiting for him. “Levi, where have you been?”  
Levi made sure he wore his usual irritated expression, “nowhere, what’s the report?”  
Erwin’s face darkened. “Another failure, we weren’t able to gather any information on the deviant types and we lost over 40 soldiers, including…” Erwin trailed off, his pale blue eyes searching Levi’s for any sign of reaction to his words, Levi kept his gaze steady.  
It was surprisingly easy to act unaffected in front of other people. He knew he wouldn’t fall apart until he was alone again. 

Satisfied with his response, Erwin continued, “The loss of Hanji Zoë isn’t going to be easy to recover from.” Levi tried not to flinch at the mention of her name. Erwin rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. Levi had known him long enough to recognise it as a bereft gesture, however, one he rarely succumbed to.  
“I was hoping… well it doesn’t matter anymore.” He sighed.  
“You fought well today, so did your squad.” He said dismissing the subject.  
Levi took it as his cue to leave. He was half-way down the hall when a voice startled him.

“Levi-Heichō” Levi looked up to see Nifa’s worried brown eyes, they were filled with urgency. Levi went ridged immediately.  
“What is it Nifa?”  
“We let the horses out to graze in the pasture for a while, and when we called them in… we called the horses and-” Nifa broke off, slightly breathless. Levi waited anxiously for her to continue. “There was an extra horse, Heichō! Squad leader’s horse, I’d know it anywhere.” She finished.  
Levi felt his heart drop, “her horse?” he didn’t know why it was so important for Nifa to tell him this. A horse returning without its rider was just more confirmation of their death. The gas in the 3D manoeuvre gear only lasted so long, and without a horse, it was impossible to outrun a titan. 

Levi was about to leave when Nifa spoke again.  
“Wait, that's not all! There was a note stuffed in the saddle bag, but I can’t make it out.” Nifa said handing him a filthy piece of paper. He carefully unfolded it. There was a single word written on it in urgent handwriting.  
Despite the smudging, Levi recognised Hanji’s messy scrawl right away. So, he thought solemnly. She’d left a goodbye message once she’d known it was over and had sent her horse away to re-join the troops. 

The word had a red colour and Levi felt his stomach turn when he realised it had been written in blood.  
The word itself was unintelligible. The first letter looked like an ‘I’ and then another ‘I’, or wait was it an ‘L’. 

He sounds out the word aloud, testing each letter. “I,L,S…E?”  
Then he understands. 

It isn’t a word at all. It’s a name. Ilse, Ilse Langnar. The girl from the 34th expedition they’d found along with her journal.  
Why would Hanji write that as her last message? Why say her goodbye through the name of a dead girl a titan had stuffed in a tre-  
Levi took a sharp breath. 

The tree.

That was it.  
Levi walked past Nifa, the note written in Hanji’s blood crinkling in his hand.  
“Erd, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, saddle your horses immediately and meet me at the entrance.” He ordered, walking past his squad. They reacted quickly, not questioning his sudden command. Levi was grateful for that, he’d picked good people for his subordinates. He held the farewell note tightly to his chest.  
No, not a farewell note, he thought.  
An S.O.S

He knew where she was, he didn’t know if she was still alive. But there was a chance she was out there, a chance that she was waiting for him.  
And he’d be damned if he was going to let her down again.  
.


	2. No Regrets: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second and final part. I really enjoyed writing this one, hope ya'll enjoy it :p

Part 2  
.  
...  
.....  
...  
.

Hanji winced as she struggled to stay in a sitting position. She tried not to think about the pain.  
There were several cuts along her arms and her cheek was sticky and wet with blood, probably just a scratch though. The first priority was a deep gash beneath her rib cage about 20cm long, courtesy of a broken tree branch. It could have been worse though, she reminded herself, she had to in order to stay focused on the situation. If she’d been any slower evading that titan, any wrong movements and it could have been a crushed spine. 

Honestly, she’d gotten lucky. But even so, that luck would only last her until she stopped the bleeding. Hanji tried not to cry out as she tore material from her shirt and wrapped it around her waist, it was dark and so the titans would be less active, but that didn’t mean she was going to chance calling attention to herself. When she was finished, Hanji looked down at the make-shift bandage. It was shabby at best, but it would do the job for now.  
Hanji shivered, it was cold without her shirt, but it sure as hell beat bleeding to death. Although, the blood she’d already lost in her effort to reach Ilse’s tree definitely wasn’t helping to keep her body temperature regular. Her cloak was still with her and she wrapped around herself best she could without disturbing the wound. 

Outside the moon was full, but its light didn’t reach the forest floor where the shadows of the giant trees fell. Inside the tree it was darker still, but even so, Hanji could make out the general shape of the place if she squinted.  
“Well Ilse, it looks like we might be spending the night together.” Hanji said quietly into the darkness.  
Hanji knew Ilse wasn’t there anymore, she’d taken her body and possessions (including her journal) back to Mr and Mrs Langnar when they had returned to the walls. But Hange felt her presence all the same. The soldier who had made probably the most important discovery since the war began. This was the place her body had rested for a year, stored there by an abnormal titan. Something of her memory lingered in the dark hollow of the tree. It wasn’t much but it comforted Hanji a little. 

Hanji remembered Ilse’s body when they had found her, nothing more than a skeleton, the flesh rotted away or eaten by scavenging animals. All that was left to her identity was her journal and her 34th expedition arm band. Hanji refrained from wondering whether she would be found before only her goggles and her cloak were left to give a clue as to who she was. She also tried not to think of what would happen to her when the sun rose on the forest and the titans stirred once more. Hanji shook her head, ignoring the pain it caused in her temples. Thoughts like that would be of no help what so ever. 

Hanji wondered instead if her horse had made it back to the others. It was foolish to leave a note, and even more so to ask for assistance. Hanji knew it had been selfish asking her comrades to risk their lives in order to find her, when it could all end up being for nothing. She could very well be dead by the time they found her. Hanji knew she would never forgive herself if any of them died on her behalf.  
But at the time, all she’d known was that she wasn’t dead yet, and that she wasn’t ready to give up.  
So she had written the note and used the last of her strength and gas to reach the tree. Several times she’d considered staying on the ground, but she would have been an easy target for titans. There was no chance she could have made it to the ruins, not with the titans still active and her torso steadily losing blood. 

Hanji still hadn’t given up, and she still wasn’t dead, but she wasn't far off. No need to lie to herself, her wound was still seeping blood.  
Hanji was actually surprised she had any left at all. And she was cold, she could feel her shoulders shaking violently with the shivers that pulsed through her. Hanji knew that if help didn’t come soon, whether it be freezing or bleeding to death, her fate was sealed. 

But damn it all! She didn’t want to die. 

Hanji laughed breathlessly, no one wanted to die. She felt foolish. She was a soldier of the Scouting Legion and she’d survived longer than most, much longer than most of her friends anyway. She’d had the chance to experiment on live titans, to study a titan-shifter and she knew her research had aided humanity. Even if only in a small way, she had made progress during her life. Hanji knew this and yet there was still so much more she wanted to understand, so many questions that needed answers.  
She wanted more time. Time to research, time to fight.  
Time to live.  
But even that wasn’t what she thought of now.  
Right now, when her use to humanity seemed to be at its end, humanity’s problems seemed to vanish from her mind.

Instead she saw black hair, and sharp grey eyes glaring up at her in annoyance, but slightly amused at the same time.  
She heard a low, deadpan voice scolding her, joking with her, whispering her name.  
It was all so familiar she wanted to cry.  
Hanji was oblivious to the tears that slid down her cheeks.  
In the end, she thought, whether she had a few years with him or a hundred, it would never be enough.  
Hanji would always want more time. 

“I want to see him!” 

Hanji’s cries faded into the night and she let them, there were no titans now, only the dark and the cold and the smell of her blood soaking her clothes.  
Hanji wondered if Ilse could hear her, they were connected now. This would be their shared resting place.  
Hanji felt her eyelids growing heavy and her mind fogging. She leant her head against the rough bark, a small, sad smile on her lips.  
Hanji let the darkness enclose her, the world a faraway dream. She closed her eyes, and with Levi’s name on her tongue, she slept.  
There was no more time.  
… … … 

The ride had been blissfully uneventful. Levi could thank the night for that, at any other time and they would have been surrounded by titans.  
He had Hanji’s note secure in his jacket. His only lead to where she was. Levi convinced himself that he had viable cause to lead a search party without Erwin’s permission.  
He knew there was evidence to believe she was still alive.  
At least, Levi knew she’d been alive when she wrote the letter. And, he also knew Hanji wasn’t stupid or selfish enough to ask for help if she wasn’t sure she stood a chance of surviving the night. His only hope was that he would find her in that tree still breathing. 

He knew his squad was curious, and the longer they went without questioning him, the guiltier he felt for keeping them in the dark.  
But there had been no time to explain and right now his first priority was finding the clearing where they had discovered Ilse Langnar.  
It wasn’t exactly a place he could forget easily, the entire area had possessed an ominous air. Whether it was because of Ilse Langnar’s discoveries or the abnormal that had stored her body in that tree. Levi wasn’t sure, but he was certain he knew where to find it. 

Levi suddenly felt the anxiety wash over him as the clearing came into view. He braced himself for what he might find.  
He didn’t know what would be worse, to find her too late, or to not find her at all.  
The clearing was just as he remembered it, a circle of giant trees. But Levi was only looking the one in the centre. 

At first, he panicked, it was too dark inside the hole to make out anything. Eventually though, Levi’s eyes adjusted and he saw her. 

Hanji was slumped against the inside of the trunk, her eyes closed. Levi immediately reached for her neck, checking for a pulse, his own jumping in his veins as he searched for proof that she wasn’t dead. When he managed to find her heartbeat, Levi let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding.  
It was faint, but she was alive. 

Her military cloak was draped clumsily around her and Levi noticed that she’d been crying. The tears had left tracks in the dirt on her cheeks, he touched her face to wipe them away.  
Levi couldn’t believe how cold her skin was, her lips had developed a blue tint. Slowly, Hanji stirred, her eye-lids opening ever so slightly.  
“Le…vi?” her voice was so small, Levi could barely make out the sound of her saying his name.  
“What the fuck did you get yourself into this time four-eyes.” It wasn’t a question. Hanji managed a small smile, “I wanted to see you.” She said, her voice no more than a whisper.  
Levi wants to slap her, to kiss her, to tell her she’s a fucking idiot. But she’s only getting colder and the smell of her blood is thick in the air between them.

Levi removed her cloak, flinching at the sight of her wound. “Petra,” He called down to the foot of the tree where his squad waited “bring the medical kit.”  
Petra responded right away and soon joined him in the hollow of the tree along with the first-aid kit and a lantern. It was a tight fit with three people in there, but they managed to fit when Levi moved Hanji to his lap. 

“Is that...” Petra trailed off looking down at the injured Hanji Zoë. “In the flesh” Hanji finished for her, “well mostly” she added.  
Levi did not appreciate the joke. 

Petra still seemed a bit shaken but regained her composure quickly and began inspecting the wound. The gash looked at least 4 inches long and 2 inches deep and Levi tried not to imagine how she’d gotten it.  
“It needs stitches, but I don’t have any alcohol for the pain…” Petra began, Hanji cut her off, “doesn’t matter, I’m a big girl… I can take it.” Hanji attempted an encouraging smile and Petra got to work. Levi was extremely glad he’s thought to grab the first-aid kit before leaving, anticipating that Hanji might have need for it.  
Petra cleaned the gash as well as she could with water while Levi held Hanji still. 

Petra began to sew it closed with sterilised thread, Levi felt Hanji fist his cloak and he instinctively took her hand in his. Petra tried to be as quick and efficient as possible, but stitching a wound that large without anything to dull the pain was taking its toll on Hanji. Levi watched as her face contorted with each stitch. Small cries escaped her clenched teeth as her grip tightened on his hand.  
“Nearly done, squad leader. Just a little more.” Petra chanted kindly as the final stitches were put in place. It would have to be re-done by an actual doctor if it was to heal properly, but that could wait until they returned, right now the bleeding had stopped and that was all that mattered. Petra carefully bandaged the wound.  
“See…” Hanji cooed tiredly when she was finished, “Didn’t hurt a bit.” 

Levi ignored her, “can you stand?” he asked. Hanji nodded, “I can try” she said.  
Levi helped her, Hanji used his shoulder for support as she lifted herself to her feet. Her legs were unsteady, but they held.  
“My gears no use though.” Hanji said. Levi nodded, he’d assumed that would be the case.  
“You’ll have to jump down.” He said, before shifting Hanji’s weight to Petra.  
“Jump?” Hanji looked at him incredulously, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed Levi, but it’s a 20 foot drop.” 

“Tch,” Levi tsked, “Oluo and I will catch you shitty-glasses.”  
“Oh… That could work.” Hanji conceded.  
Levi turned to Petra. “When I give the signal help Hanji Zoë from the opening, ten return to your horse. As soon as she’s secure we’re leaving.”  
“Understood Heichō.” Petra confirmed and Levi manoeuvred himself from the tree to the ground.  
Levi and Oluo moved into position, “now Petra.” Levi commanded.  
The two men braced themselves quickly as Hanji’s figure appeared above. She landed awkwardly in their arms, her feet in Oluo’s face, and her shoulder digging into Levi’s stomach. But other than that, she was in one piece.  
“Did the wound re-open?” He asked her.  
Hanji stirred, “I don’t think so...” In the moonlit clearing Levi could see how pale she was, the whites of her warm brown eyes were slightly yellow at the edges.  
Levi didn’t even want to think about how much blood she’d lost. 

Oluo and Gunther helped to position her behind Levi on his horse, he tied their waists together with rope in case she lost consciousness and let go while they were riding.  
“Let’s head back.” He said once they were all saddled. Hanji’s arms were around his waist, her hands gripping the fabric of his shirt and her head buried in his shoulder.  
The night was nearly over, if they wanted to return to the base safely they would need to be quick. 

“Hold tight shitty-glasses, I didn’t risk my ass just so you could die falling off the back of a horse.” He muttered to the woman behind him. He could already feel her going limp.  
She answered him anyway, though her voice was faint and raspy. “I don’t intend to die today Captain.” 

Levi smiles, it’s small and short because they aren’t out of danger yet and because his squad is there.  
But he means it when he says “Good. Cause I don’t intend to let you.”

… … … 

Hanji stretched her arms above her head, mindful not to disturb her recent stitches.  
“How are you feeling squad leader?” Moblit asked. Hanji turned to look at the sandy-haired boy. He hadn’t left her side since they had returned from the expedition 2 days ago. Hanji found it ridiculously unnecessary, but humoured him anyway. Her squad seemed to feel guilty over her near-death experience, Hanji understood why, even if she herself saw no merit in it. “I’m fine Moblit, go get some rest, you’re sleeping less than I do.” Hanji said.  
Moblit seemed to be about to protest when he was interrupted by a knock at the door. “I’ll get it” he said walking over and opening the wooden door to reveal Petra Ral.  
Petra had been around several times in the past days, to bring her flowers and check how her wound was healing. Although Hanji appreciated it, all the pampering she was receiving from her subordinates lately was making her restless.  
And so, was the fact that a certain grouchy little clean-freak had yet to visit her. 

“I’m here to relieve you Moblit” Petra said, gently pulling the boy out of Hanji’s room before stepping inside, “but-” Moblit started but Petra silenced him, “orders from Lance Corporal Levi, I’m to assist Squad Leader Hanji Zoë for today.” She said. At the mention of Levi’s name Hanji straightened, suddenly curious. “It’s alright Moblit, go and rest” she called across the room.  
Moblit hesitated at first but eventually turned away, Petra closed the door behind him. 

“I hope you don’t mind squad leader, I thought I might re-dress your wound today.”  
Honestly, Hanji thought, did they think she’d never been injured before.  
“I appreciate it Petra but I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.” Hanji smiled, “tell your boss that too.” she added quickly as an after thought.  
Petra nodded, “actually Levi-Heichō instructed me to give this to you” the girl said handing Hanji a folded piece of paper.  
Hanji opened it and recognised Levi’s cleanly printed script. 

Shitty-Glasses,

I know you haven’t bathed properly yet.  
Don’t even try to deny it, I know and you know it’s the truth.  
If you think I’m going to be fine with you dying of an infection days after my  
subordinates and I risked our lives to save your unwashed ass, you’re dreadfully mistaken.  
Do as Petra says or I’ll send Mike. 

-Levi

 

Hanji grimaced at the prospect of Mike helping her bathe.  
“Alright Petra, you win.” Hanji said placing the note on the bed before opening her arms wide in defeat. “Do what you will with me.” 

Petra smiled, “are you up for a bath squad leader?” she asked. Hanji laughed, “Do I have a choice?”  
Petra smiled sleepily, “I’m afraid not.”  
“Very well,” Hanji sighed, “let’s get me clean.”  
Petra nodded, “yes squad lea-”  
“-Please Petra, call me Hanji for now, you’re about to see me naked after all.” Hanji joked.

Petra blushed a little but smiled all the same, “if you say so Hanji-San” she said timidly, as if trying out the name.  
Hanji laughed again, “I suppose that’s close enough.” 

The water was warm and as much as Hanji usually hated baths, she had to admit the water felt good on the reddened flesh of her torso.  
“This isn’t so bad” Hanged murmured out loud, “though maybe Levi should force me himself next time, instead of making you do all the dirty work Petra.”  
Petra stirred at this, “I don’t mind Squa- uh, I mean Hanji-San. You’re really a nice person.” She said as she helped Hanji to wash her back.  
Hanji smiled at that, “you think so?” she said, “that’s nice to know, considering your superior thinks I’m filthy and insane.”  
Petra’s movements stopped and Hanji noticed her expression change. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Hanji turned to face the girl, “is that so?” she inquired.  
Petra’s honey-coloured eyes softened, focused on something Hanji couldn’t see, “the night we found you, Levi-Heichō was really worried, he didn’t say anything, but still I could tell, we all could.” Petra looked up to meet Hanji’s gaze before continuing, “I’ve never seen him like that before. I know it isn’t my place to say anything but…” Petra trailed off, Hanji smiled at her, encouraging her to finish, “I think Levi-Heichō actually cares a lot for Hanji-San.” 

Hanji smiled, “I know he does.” She said, making Petra start, “you didn’t say anything out of line, so don’t worry.”  
Petra looked relieved and a little curious, so Hanji continued. “When you’ve known someone for as long as Captain Levi and I have known each other, it’s only natural to care a great deal.” She explained.  
Petra didn’t seem to buy it completely, but she didn’t question further. Smart girl, Hanji thought, she hoped the world they inhabited allowed her to live up to her full potential. 

Petra helped Hanji re-dress her wounds and they chatted some more over a pot of Petra’s delicious tea before she left.  
Hanji sat at her desk alone, mulling over her notes on titan experimentation.  
Her gaze drifted over to the discarded note on her bed. 

“I think Levi-Heichō actually cares a lot for Hanji-San”

Petra’s words rang in her head, Hanji could only recollect vague memories of that night. She remembered the pain, the cold water on her skin and Petra’s sweet soothing voice. And she remembered him.  
Remembered the worry in his eyes when the darkness had parted and he looked down at her. Remembered how safe she’d felt, how relieved. Not just to be alive, but to see his face again. 

Hanji wondered what was keeping him from visiting her, if he took any longer she’d go track him down herself, injuries be damned.  
Honestly, Hanji thought smiling to herself, he was such a difficult man. 

… … … 

Levi’s footsteps stopped outside her door. He hesitated, his hand resting on the handle before pushing it open.  
Her quarters were a mess as usual, Levi tried not to sneer at the various clothes and papers strewn around the room. 

Hanji was asleep at her desk, her head resting on her folded arms.  
He felt bad for avoiding her for three days, but if he’d come any sooner, he would have been too tempted to simply let things fall back into their natural rhythm. The entire ordeal had seemed like a bad dream. He couldn’t allow himself to forget what it felt like to lose her.  
He’d needed the time to think on what exactly he would tell her, he still hadn’t figured it out completely. But he’d stayed away long enough.  
Her glasses had fallen askew on her nose and Levi gently straightened them. Hanji stirred at his touch, her large brown eyes dopey with sleep.  
She smiled when she saw him, “I was wondering when you’d show up.” She said yawning and stretching her arms. 

“I was busy cleaning up the mess you got me into with Erwin” this was only a half-truth, actually Erwin hadn’t been nearly as annoyed as Levi had thought he would be.  
“Sorry about that” she said, and Levi notices the sincerity in her voice.  
“Tch, forget about it. I’m used to saving your trouble-making ass” he said sitting down on her bed so they sat across from each other. 

“Thanks for sending Petra by the way,” she said changing the subject, “although I do think you work her too hard. I doubt bathing her superiors falls under regulation orders. I hope you don’t make her do that for Mike and Erwin too.” She was teasing him now. Levi ignored her, “how’s your wound four-eyes?” he asked.

Hanji shrugged, “healing well, I suspect I’ll be out of commission for a while though. I have Moblit running the research lab at the moment, he’s quite reliable you know.” She said, smiling at him cheekily. Levi sent her a stony look, “quit foolin’ around shitty-glasses.” 

Hanji’s expression straightened, “oh, are we having a serious conversation? I didn’t realise.” She said, giving him another wiry smile.  
“Tch, if you’re not gonna take this seriously then I’ll leave” he said getting up. But Hanji grabbed his wrist, pulled him back down to sit on the bed.  
“Don’t be like that Levi,” she said moving to sit next to him on the mattress, “what is it you want to say?”

Levi was silent for a moment, thinking over the words in his head.  
After a while he spoke, “look, Hanji-”  
“-wait Levi, I’m sorry but I’m gonna stop you right there.” Hanji cut him off.  
“For fuck’s sake four-eyes, why?” he cursed, she was not making this easy for him.  
“Because,” she said looking at him steadily, “if this is the conversation where we talk about how I almost died, then I don’t want to have it.”  
Levi was silent, not entirely sure how to respond, Hanji took it as a sign to continue. “I know I came close the other day and I’m grateful you and your squad saved me. But it’s unnecessary to dwell on it and frankly I don’t want to.” She finished, at some point during her speech she’d taken his hands in her own.  
“Fair enough” he agreed. 

But Levi wasn’t as ready to forget about it as she was.  
He knew there was a lot of different ways the entire ordeal could have ended.  
Yes, she was alive for now, but next time he might not be so lucky.  
Things couldn’t stay as they were, not if he was to have any chance of sleeping at night.  
I was the first time he’d gotten a second chance at a choice he’d previously fucked up.  
He’d be damned if he was going to ignore that and just walk away. 

So he said the words he’d been putting off for days now,  
“I’m sorry” Levi’s voice was low when he spoke and he tried not to care how vulnerable the words made him sound. 

Hanji’s careful brown eyes clouded with confusion, “for what? Saving my life, or that I’m such a klutz to nearly get myself killed?” she asked incredulously.  
Levi tightened his hold on her hands, “for ignoring you the other day, after...” he trailed off.  
Hanji’s confused expression didn’t change at first. But slowly, Levi watched as comprehension passed over her face.  
“Oh, you mean that. I’d completely forgotten.” Levi wanted to slap himself, or her, or maybe both. 

“You’re kidding me four-eyes, here I am feeling guilty about it and you don’t even fucking remember.” He cursed. Levi stood ready to leave but Hanji stopped him once more, “wait Levi, don’t go.” She said. It was more the softness in her voice than her grip on his arm that made Levi pause.  
“A lots happened since then, just sit back down.” She said coaxing him back onto the mattress. 

“You didn’t really do anything wrong, so you don’t have to apologise.” She said when he sat down beside her.  
“I ignored you for a week.” he said dryly.  
Hanji shrugged, her smile bright and sincere, “it wouldn’t be the first time.” She said. And he laughed in spite of himself because she’s right. They sit there for a while smiling like idiots and things finally started to feel okay again.

Then he kissed her. And it feels like so long since he’s kissed her that he kind of loses himself in the sensation.  
Hanji’s kissing him back hungrily, pulling him closer.  
Her hands are in his hair and cradling his neck, and for the first time Levi allows himself to feel it. To feel what she feels for him.  
He senses it in the way she touches him, with a strange mix of ferocity and tenderness he’s never seen her use anywhere else. And he feels it when she kisses him, how she drinks him in until she’s completely drunk. 

“Hanji…” he murmurs between kisses. Because he has to say it now, or he’ll never say it. “Hanji I…”  
But before he can finish, her lips are at his ear, “I know,” she says, “I know.” 

Hanji pulls back and takes his face in her hands, her warm chocolate eyes meeting with his own steely gaze, “Say it when you’re ready to Levi, not because you’re worried about running out of time.” She said. 

Levi stares blankly at her for a moment, then pulls her to him, as close as he can possibly have her without crushing her.  
Hanji smiles and trails kisses down his forehead and the bridge of his nose, stopping at his lips. 

She kisses him and he forgets everything else.  
Hanji kisses him and he knows.  
Knows it’s okay for him to fall in love, even if he only had a limited time to enjoy it. It’s also okay not to spout meaningless words if she already knows. 

And she does.  
He just has to make sure she never forgets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My feels are so high right now. This turned out to be something different to what I'd originally planned but I'm pleased with it anyway.  
> Thanks for reading :) Comment if you like, I appreciate feedback.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> I hope Levi wasn't too OOC, I tried to make his reaction close to how he would really react. In my opinion anyway.  
> The next part will be uploaded soon.  
> Please comment and continue to spread the Levihan love xD


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